GIFTS

This is the time of year when everyone talks about resolutions, beginnings, and how awful the past year has been. We quickly abandon the celebratory season in which we revel in the story of how mankind was given the greatest gift despite our failings. We toss that aside to mull over how we failed in last year’s resolutions and how we will not this time.

For a few years there has been something I have wanted in my life- I’m going to call it home- and I would ask myself why I didn’t have it. I thought God was withholding this thing from me because I wasn’t focused enough on Him. I promised myself I would be better, more steadfast in my Christianity, that I would be good enough to be given this thing. That I would deserve it.

I’ve don’t think that anymore.

I look back on the past year and I see so much growth, so much blind faith, and I have to appreciate the winding path that it was. Because that winding path brought me to what I’ve wanted, home. I awkwardly stumbled along the way, taking chances pre-2016 me wouldn’t have ever taken, growing me in ways I never wanted. I moved forward blindly, unknowing in the outcome, yet assured in the purpose. It was a winding path because I also had opportunities right beside me that went unnoticed. Through it all, there was trust in the outcome.

If I had asked myself during that time if I was focusing more on God I wouldn’t have thought so, I would have considered the mission “failed”. I didn’t read my Bible more or pray better. I didn’t volunteer or tithe more. I wasn’t any more Christian than the year before, yet here I am, standing before the very thing I wanted.

I’ve realized that God will give us these things anyways, despite not being good enough. He gives us these things because of his love for us, because He wants to shower us in blessings. He gives us these gifts in our failings.
It’s a humbling thing to realize, but also brings so much hope. So this year I am sticking with my resolution of years ago (no more resolutions), and I will charge into the new year with this: appreciate.